Have you ever had enough bad things hit you that you question the point of living of Christian life? You start to ask why am I facing trials/challenges. Why am I sick all the time lately? Why am I having these demonic dreams and inability to rest? I’m praying and I’m believing; I’m faithing and I’m fighting! Well, this short story is about a time when my wife felt the same way.
She was asking a simple question, “What is even the point of this extreme Christian living? Is all that I’m promised a place in heaven while this life is still hard? I feel like you are danged if you follow and danged if you don’t. Life is hard for me as a Christian and life is hard for those in the world, so what is the difference?”
There are many answers to this question. Verses about spiritual warfare, persevering through trials, and having peace/joy in this lifetime. Yet, I found myself unable to give the right answer when asked that question. Or at least the answer that I knew she needed.
Before I can get to the answer I want to back up a little. It’s important to point out some events/factors that predate the crisis she was having. One of these factors was health. For those of you reading who do not know us personally my wife deals with an autoimmune disorder. This autoimmune disorder affects many aspects of her health. She finds herself waking up ever morning to an inescapable reality of low energy and aching joints. To combat this health issue we have to be strict about her diet. It requires a great deal of self control to not eat the things you want to. It takes fortitude in the face of the pain.
At times this disorder causes so much pain that the nights are full of tossing, turning, and heavy breathing just to get through it. Constant migraines & stomach pains. However, the last two months we took a real stand to combat this. We cut out sugar from our diet. We limited caffeine to reduce inflammation and combed through our lifestyle. Making sure to run, sauna, lift, sleep 8 hours, etc.
At first, we saw more than marginal improvement. Many of the symptoms walked themselves back. But after a month around this time of crisis, most of the prior symptoms came back in full force. This was a morale dampener given how life seemed to go back to normal. Of course as you read this, you can imagine why we were disheartened. But, this is much more disheartening than you could imagine.
There have been several people who have prophesied over her that God would heal this disorder. We also know that to maintain this healing we have to keep and lead a healthy lifestyle. There was even a dream she had where an elderly woman was sitting with her on a park bench. The woman said to her, “Why would you eat what will cause you harm?” We know that we have to put away some of the inflammatory foods we love like pastries and pasta. We know and we believe in what God can do (I do hope this article will serve as a time capsule for when she does get a diagnosis that a miracle occurred).
Knowing the above information you can imagine that being back in pain was defeating. While this is happening my wife also recently got a new job. She finally transitioned from a draining sales role to an analyst role. No more talking with angry bank clients. This was a great transition and this job has been a blessing, but with all new jobs, there’s a learning curve. Where there is a learning curve there is stress and worry that, “I might not be cut out for this!” So , leading up to this question she had there was a sleepless night full of bodily pain and the worry of a stressful day at work ahead. Not to mention some struggles within our family that we are working through.
Why did you marry me?
So, when I got home from work that day Evelina was asking the question from above and I was stumped. When I thought about the statement, “extreme Christian living,” I thought,”Dang we do live radically different than we used to.” We stopped drinking, smoking, cussing, listening to secular music, and put down a lot of shows or activities that seemed off to us now. Then there are the new practices of being a disciple of Christ. Developing a strong prayer life, reading your word, studying scripture, helping the poor, and those in need.
Compared to our old lives we do live in an extreme way. But, also I don’t want to go back and I honestly couldn’t. We’ve already put our hands to the plow (Luke 9:16). Don’t get me wrong, in a tough moment I wan’t to yell every cuss word. In fact I hate to say that I do. I still get angry and there are times I would rather watch Netflix than pray. While meditating on this I started to come to an understanding. While it’s hard to have self-control and live in a spiritual way as a natural man; there’s a reason I want this. There’s a reason I love this life. There’s a reason why I would rather draw closer to God and live for him than be in the world.
At this point, I had been musing on the question for some time and Evelina needed to go wash out her hair oil. So, we walked to our bathroom. She starts washing her hair and I’m sitting on the toilet (not using it I’m just sitting!). As I’m trying to solve this problem the answer hits me or at least I start to from an analogy. Below is the script or at least the script as I remember it:
Brian: “Hey why did you say you married me?”
Evelina: “Well there were many reasons.”
Brian: “Right, but what did you say when you realized what your life would be like if we were together.”
Evelina: I said I would have a happy life with you. I would have a better life.”
Brian: “Exactly, even though you knew we would face trials together. Your life would be better with me than without me and what do those trials do for our relationship”
Evelina: She started smiling at this point saying, “They bring us closer.”
Brian: “Knowing that we would go through these trials would you still choose this life with me?”
Evelina: “Yes, I would rather go through trials with you than be out in the world.”
The point of this walk is to know Christ!
We know that we are in an intimate relationship with God, we know that Christ is married to his Church, and that we are that Church (Ephesians 5:22-32). So, the point of all of this as we know from Philippians is to know Christ (Philippians 3:8-9). Through our trials and thought moments we get stronger and learn things, but above all, we are getting to know Christ. We also know that our life is better with Him than without Him. The reward of heaven is awesome, but that is not the point. The point is our relationship with Him.
You may be reading this saying, “Duh!,” but it can be so easy to lose sight of this in your day to day. It’s so easy to think: Is some eternal crow really worth it (1 Corinthians 9:24-27 ESV)? With everything going on, all the sermons, and the hustle and bustle of day-to-day living the object of our faith can get easily lost. I hope this story gives you encouragement. I hope this story gives you that reminder that through our suffering we can relate to Christ who suffered death on the cross. By suffering for us he did not remove himself from human suffering, but being perfect He suffered with us (Philippians 3:8-10 ESV). Through every hard day let us press on growing closer to God. I leave you with the following verse from Romans:
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.” – Romans 8:28-30
